Harry Potter and Fanfiction:The Horror of Pairings
by Michiri
Summary: Ever wonder what would happen if the Golden Trio found some fanfiction? What would they think? And... even worse... what if that particular story had some... offthewall pairings? Oh my. [Oneshot, for now]


**A/N: For now, I only have six chapters planned for this. If you really like it, let me know any ideas you may have for future chapters in your reviews. Also: this is not meant to say certain things are bad, necessarily. I'm just putting how I think they would react to some general fic genres/pairings/etc. Not meant to offend.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any likenesses to story stereotypes, stories, or pairings. I definitely do not Harry Potter. Otherwise, I would not be churning out fanfiction on this site. Instead, I'd be… in print.**

A UFO came flying toward Harry, Hermione, and Ron at breakfast. Yes, an unidentified, flying owl. It carried a very large sheath of papers, and after they finished eating, the Trio carried them upstairs.

"Who sent these, anyway? All I see on the front is 'Courtesty of Ron said, confused.

Harry and Hermione shook their heads. "Honestly, Ron. It's obviously from an Internet site."

"What's the Internet?"

"It's a network Muggles use to share information and communicate instantly," she explained. "It's kind of complicated, but it's on a computer. Anyway," she pushed on, "if I remember correctly, fan fiction stories are written by fans about certain series, books, or shows. This site must be one that lets users publish them to the rest of the world… I honestly don't know why they sent us all of these."

Harry was already turning the front page to reveal a summary, and he read it aloud.

_As the Golden Trio comes back for another year at Hogwarts, they find love in unusual places… Not a triangle, but love polygons. Complete!_

"What the hell?" Ron asked incredulously. "How do Muggles know about Hogwarts?"

"I've heard of love triangles, but 'love polygons'?" Hermione asked, confused. "What could 'love in unusual places mean, anyway?"

"There's only one way to find out," Harry said, curious himself what lay in the pages beyond. "But before we do, I'd like to point out something. Doesn't the Golden Trio sound familiar?"

They looked at each other curiously. "… No… way…" Ron said, shocked.

"They couldn't mean…?" Hermione's eyes widened.

Harry nodded. "Us. That's the only thing that makes sense. Besides, look, two of our names are on the line there." He pointed to the paper again, showing the line with the number of chapters, reviews, and other information, including "Character 1: Harry P. Character 2: Hermione G."

"Hey, what about me!" Ron scowled, unhappy that he was left out.

"It's probably because they only give two places for characters," Hermione said.

"I hope that 'love in unusual places' doesn't include me and Ginny," Harry said. He was still a little put out about their recent break-up a few days ago.

Hermione nodded. "I guess it wasn't meant to be between you two," she added, somewhat comfortingly.

"Alright, alright, you two!" Ron exclaimed impatiently. "Let's get on with the reading!"

As Harry read the first story, titled "Strange New Loves", the Trio began to get excited, hearing about themselves in a story.

**STRANGE NEW LOVES**

**It had only been a week since Ginny had dumped Harry,**

"Hey!" Hermione said. "That's strange, isn't it, Harry? I mean, that's in a story, and it really happened!"

"Yeah. Strange." His voice sounded odd, and unemotional. He sighed. "Beautiful story so far, isn't it? Reminding us of all of that."

After a moment of uncomfortable silence, he resumed reading.

**and already they both had moved on. **(Hermione withheld comment on this, as it had _not_ happened yet.) **In fact, Ginny was off with a Gryffindor boy a year below her at that very minute. Harry, on the other hand, was keeping his feelings for someone else under wraps. Mainly because the object of his affection was someone he was pretty sure didn't return them.**

"What, do they have you after Cho again?" Ron asked.

"Oh, shut up, Ron," Harry snapped back. "It's a _story_. It's not real. Besides, I'm way over Cho."

**It was Hermione. He hadn't realized how he really felt until she began comforting him after Ginny had dumped him for that other guy. Instead of friendly gratitude, he began to feel… things he'd never felt with Hermione before. He began to think thoughts he'd never connected with Hermione before. He began to**

"Alright, I'm going to skip ahead a bit. This goes on a while, and it's getting embarrassing."

"Is that because you really do like her?" Ron grinned at him, while Harry glared daggers.

"Oh, will you two grow up? I know he doesn't like me like that, you know it, we all know it. It's just a story, for Merlin's sake!" Hermione exploded after her long silence. "What?" They were staring at her in shock. "Well, I want to know what happens! And the way you two were arguing, that would never come around!" She blushed furiously.

"Okay, okay."

**He began to see her in his dreams… a different Hermione than he saw in real life, though… a Hermione that flirted with him, kissed him… kissed him gently and sweetly, and sometimes even fiery and passionately.** ("I told you," Harry said here, "it got embarrassing!")

**And then he woke up and remembered. Hermione was only his good friend. She'd never see him as anything more, and he'd just have to get over it.**

**Little did Harry know, but Hermione had seen Harry as much, much more for the longest time, it seemed.**

**Even while he had dated one of her own friends, Ginny, she had harbored that little "crush" and those thoughts and feelings and even a dream or two.**

Both the boys looked at Hermione incredulously.

"Oh, please, it's not like that's _really_ how I feel! Again, it's just a story. And get over yourself, Harry," she added, noticing the look on his face. "Obviously the author of this story hasn't met either of us, anyway."

**And then she would wake up, or look at him, and she'd remember. All that Harry would ever see her as was the girl who had been his friend since first year, with bushy hair and buck teeth. She'd grown up quite a bit since then, thank you very much. Her hair was nearly straight, and her teeth were aligned.**

At this point, they both studied Hermione. "You know," Harry said. "This girl is right. I mean, you're no where near as bushy and bucky as you used to be."

"Of course not," she said haughtily. "I was only eleven then! Now we're sixteen. I would hope that I didn't still look eleven."

**Of course, everyone else knew. Everyone else saw the wistful glances when they thought no one was looking, or, really, just when the other wasn't. It seemed that the second one turned away, the other would look up at the first.**

**So, Ron and a few other Gryffindor seventh years decided it was time to get these two to figure out they liked each other.**

"**Hey, you two," Ron called out, "would you stop making goo-goo eyes at each other secretly and listen for a minute?" It was a Thursday evening in the common room, and only the few who were trying to get Harry and Hermione to wake up and smell the love, and Harry and Hermione were there, of course.**

"Erm," Hermione began, "is it just me or does hearing our names linked like that weird you out? I mean, you're one of my best friends, Harry, but…" She wrinkled her nose. "It's just too weird. No offense, but I wouldn't want to date you."

"That's all right. Imagine having to _read_ all this. You're just hearing. I'm looking and having to _speak_ it."

"Good point."

**Hermione blushed, and Harry looked at the ground. "Now," Ron said, "that we have your attention, I would like to point out the obvious. You two like each other. **_**Do**_** something about it would you? The way you two have been skirting about it has been getting on my nerves."**

**After they'd all had a laugh about it, and Hermione and Harry finally verbally confessed their feelings, they went out in the hall for some privacy. Unfortunately, though, they found Ginny out in the hall who they at first thought was Rhett. "Ginny," Hermione said, tapping her on the shoulder. "Can we have a little privacy?"**

"**Well, um…" Ginny faltered as the guy behind her stepped beside her and draped an arm over the shoulder. Both Hermione and Harry's jaws dropped, and Ginny pleaded. "Don't tell Ron! Please! I'm pretending to go out with Rhett just so he doesn't know!"**

**They nodded, as they didn't want to be the ones to tell Ron that his little sister was dating Draco Malfoy.**

"She _WHAT!?!_" Ron yelled. "Oh, I'm going to kill her. Going out with a Slytherin, and Malfoy, of them all! …" His rampage went on and on, despite attempts from Harry and Hermione to get his attention. "… And there she is, making out with Malfoy in the corridor for all to see… Oh, what?"

"Ron," Hermione said for the twentieth time, "it's not really Ginny. It's the _story_."

"Oh. Right. Right." He had calmed down now.

**After Draco left for his own common room, Ginny climbed inside, and Harry and Hermione were finally able to talk.**

"**I've liked you for ages," Hermione told him quietly.**

"**Why didn't you ever say anything?"**

**  
"Because," she said, "you never saw me as anything more than your bushy-haired, buck-toothed friend, and you were always thinking about Cho, then Ginny… When was I supposed to say anything?"**

"**You're right." He held her close. "I was blind. I never saw what was right in front of me."**

"Okay. I'm about to gag here," Ron said. "How much of this is there?"

"About three pages," Harry said, flipping through them.

"Ugh. Can we hear the next one?"

Hermione nodding, agreeing. "It's just too weird. Me and you, Ginny and Malfoy… Anything is better than this."

Harry nodded and flipped to the next story.

After they saw the next title, they knew they were wrong.

"**Harry Potter: The Next Generation"**

**[A/N:**

**I may continue this with more spoofs, but I'm not sure. For now – oneshot.**

**If I continue, yes, HP: TNG will be the next installment.**


End file.
